🧩 Dishwashing Theory and Slaughter Theory: The Backlash of Unbalanced Systems
The recently circulated concepts of ‘Dishwashing Theory’ and ‘Slaughter Theory’ in Korean society sharply reveal the structural imbalances in Korean marriage culture.
‘Dishwashing Theory’ criticizes situations where women who enjoyed free dating or sexual promiscuity in their youth later marry men with little dating experience or innocence, only to depend on them economically or exploit them. The term ‘dishwashing’ is used as a metaphor for cleaning dishes used by others, pointing out the unfairness of women who enjoyed relationships with other men in the past now receiving resources and dedication from innocent men. This concept spread mainly in male-centered online communities, and some cases have been publicly discussed on social media.
‘Slaughter Theory’ stems from the perception that Korean divorce systems are designed too favorably for women. It argues that after marriage, in the event of divorce, men are placed in a disadvantageous position regarding property division, alimony, child support, etc. Some extreme views claim that women can abuse this system and use marriage itself as a means of property seizure.
While these expressions may be somewhat sensational and exaggerated, they reflect the imbalances inherent in Korean society’s marriage and divorce structures and men’s sense of deprivation. Especially in male-centered communities, these are perceived as realistic threats, consolidating skepticism and anger toward marriage.
Source: ChatGPT
🇯🇵 Balanced Marriage Culture Through the Japanese Case
Comparing with neighboring Japan, one can clearly feel the difference in marriage culture. Recently, while having dinner with Japanese friends, the topic of Korean marriage culture naturally came up. When I said, “In Korea, men usually provide the house and pay almost all wedding expenses. That perception is still strong these days,” Tamura (pseudonym, male) stopped his chopsticks and opened his eyes wide.
“Eh? Really? Is it still like that?”
“In Japan too, there was a time when husbands were responsible for the household, and wives were expected to be full-time housewives supporting their husbands. Around the Showa era, that was considered the natural model of society. But now that structure is almost gone. My wife and I prepared everything together from the wedding venue to setting up our home. It’s normal to share everything from wedding preparations to living expenses, as most women work too. It’s too unfair for only one side to sacrifice.”
Tamura continued.
“With such a burden, I understand why Korean men are reluctant to marry. Even though Japan’s marriage rate has decreased too, at least the perception that both sides cooperate is quite widespread.”
“Honestly, who would want to get married in such an environment. From a man’s perspective, it’s full of burden and feels like a loss. Japan has many problems too, but the structure isn’t that one-sided. People should help each other while living together; it’s too unfair for only one side to struggle.”
Sato (pseudonym, female), who was also present, couldn’t hide her surprise.
“That story is honestly a bit shocking to me. Of course, we consider money in Japan too, but viewing marriage that way seems like a dangerous attitude. Marriage is ultimately about living together with mutual responsibility.”
Sato continued.
“I think marriage should ultimately be based on trust and respect for each other. If one side is unilaterally exploited, it’s not a marriage but just a contract. Even in Japan, such relationships don’t last long.” I couldn’t help but nod at her words.
🔚 A Time for Change: Marriage is a Relationship, Not Just a Contract
Korean marriage culture has reached a point where deep reflection and structural change are needed. For example, there could be discussions about improving perceptions of sharing marriage costs or institutional reforms that protect the rights of both parties in divorce more equally. We need to move away from viewing marriage as an economic transaction and toward couples sharing responsibilities and burdens together, respecting each other as true life partners. We must remember that marriage is not simply a means to fulfill economic purposes but a journey of life that two people take together based on love and trust.
Marriage is a contract but also a relationship. Why has this obvious premise collapsed in Korea?